since young , my mum has always told me to be a better man then my dad . But the problem is that ive never had a role model to look up to . it was never easy for me to grow up in a seperated family at first because i never understand'ed then what was happening . i always thought to myself that i had a perfect family. the reason for this was because my dad and mum would always seem very close to ech other but i dint realize back then it was going to happen like this . and so it did .

The day my mum and dad got seperated was when i was 2 ?? i think i couldnt quite remember anyways so even tough the where saperated my father still came to my house till i was 11 . but always when he came my parents would fight while i was having breakfast . My maid had to take me away from the scene evetime it happend . but still i was young and dint know why?? or what?? was going on .

Back then my dad was a some high ranked personal in the police force . so he often came to the house in the morning just before i left for school . Most of the time i could still remember sitting by the table drinking his dark coffee and smoking his ciggs while reading the news paper and the smeel of his after shave swooved in the air.

When i was 8 my brother came along . but the weird thing is that my father barely came to visit him . It would normally be my uncle and my aunt who came but it would never be my father . to myself i always tought that probably he would be busy with work and couldnt arrange his time to come . but its ur son ur talking about not anything else but ur own flesh and blood .

from that day on it was a strange thing that puzzled me so much so that i began to feel sad.One day i came home from school and my mum was seriously ill and was in bed for a week or two. but this time my dad came quite often . So 1 day i wanted to have lunch with my mum . my dad had just bough chicken rice from a shop behind my house . and when i wanted to eat munch with my mum , my dad closed the room door . i knocked on the door and my dad opened the door and went down stairs . i went in with my plate of food and sat down with my mum , and ate my unch . after having lunch i went down to see my dad . he looked sad i could see from his face . i asked him if he was allright and he shouted at me . i ran to my room as fast i could and just laid in bed with tears .but back then i was still a young boy . probably round 8??

the last time i saw my dad was when h bought me my new comp monitor . and from then on i never saw him again until a few months back . he told me he was going to Terengganu for good but i saw him a few weeks later in Carefour with my stepmom shopping . could have laid to me ?? i felt sad and hurt .

no matter how much pain and sorrow he has done to me and my mum and even Ilyas he still is our father and we carry his name . no matter how many bad things ive said bout him i constantly remind myslef tht he is still my dad and nothing can change that . but seriously speaking i really do miss him quite abit.
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