Wednesday, February 18, 2009
i find myself constantly having to drop into a certain stage of the day where i think that maybe making the right move wasnt a smart one but i like it and im comfortable with it . is this how its going to be for awhile or will i ever get pass it ? in confuse by what is right and wrong , what is there and whats not , whats yes or no .
the new job has been a blast . but lately i have felt if i did actually find a job to buy my wants and fancies or was it for a living . but the main reason why i wanted to find a job while waiting for my results was so that i could have a source of income to fund my wants so that i dont have depend on my mum so much and also to gain a lil before i go into my culinary course.
at first i was excited about going to collage and continuing working for at least 3-4 days a week if its possible. until my mum told me "how sure are your going to collage and how sure are you your still going to be working at Gloria Jeans ?" i did not have a clue that would be coming from her . the person who was excited as i was about going to culinary school and coming from her actually realise that i was slightly relaying on false hope ? i mean my mum and I had it all planed out nicely and suddenly she hits me with this question ? u mean all this time i was amusing myself by being excited about going to collage something that ive been wanting to do since i was 15? i dint think it was a funny situation at that point ....
and to be frank , the reason why i want and had decided that i would like to continue working was because i would like to relive my mums burdon of giving me money often so i could have a little money to hang out and stuff and i donno why she asked if i was sure if i was going to continue working there . i thought all this while it was a good move to continue working while studying . i mean i would have to adjust my studies and hockey but yea ill be able to do it , but coming from her , the person i would least expect coming from, the person who all this while would be proud and happy for me , saying something like this ?
those few words hit me like a rock thrown into my face . im really thinking hard and wondering why and what . i dont need this now ... i really dont ...
BUT i still love my mum =) she da best ok !!!!
12:49 AM
